This is not one of our “Wisdom Quotes from Confucius” but I think it deserves a place in the top five quotes list. It is from a Miss Panama 2009 contestant, Giosue Cozzarelli who answering a question of the beauty pageant said: Confucius invented the confusion…. mmmm…. very deep thoughts, to be honest, words like that make me feel… confused.

In discharge of Miss Cozzarelli, I guess she was very nervous and didn’t know what to say. But I am also relieved because who needs to study when you are so beautiful?

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I am going to explain you in a very simple way, the basics to become an admired rich leader, always looking for ways to serve sell his fatherland and loved hated for his people.

Step One: Join the army, but never –and listen well NEVER- do anything very demanding as learn military strategy or perform well in the shooting range, those are the kind of things that never put you in the high positions where you want to be. Instead spend as much time as you can praising your commander and making good barbecues for the rest of your superiors.   

Step Two: When you have enough troops under your control and have a high support between your comrades in arms, plan to overthrow the government and call it “revolution”. To do it more appealing for international media (and this is very important remember if it is not in internet it is not happening) add it some adjective after the word revolution. It could be the fuchsia revolution or the zucchini revolution; whatever you invent, it will be just fine. Repeat step two as many times as necessary until you become successful.  

Step Three: Once you are in the power, claim that you do all for your huge love for your people. At the same time close independent newspapers, tv channels, unions, and all other organizations that don’t like you.   

Step Four: Denounce the excess of capitalism and international media, and proclaim that Western democracies are dying. But remember this rules don’t apply to you, after all special people like you deserve special rules, so you can visit Disneyland as you always do, watch Hollywood movies in the private cinema of your presidential palace and drive your brand new Ferrari. 

Step Five: It have been almost a year since you arrive to the presidency. Now two things can happen:

Option number one: There is another revolution and you are defeated and spend the rest of your life in a golden exile living in your mansion of the French Rivera with the several million dollars hard earned during this last year.

Option number two: You defeat the new revolution and for the next 40 years become a democratically elected president that always win with the 99.9% of the votes, spend the rest of your life with a golden lifestyle exile in your mansion of the French Rivera and the several million dollars hard earned during the last 40 years this last year.

As you can see it is not hard at all, so what are you waiting for to inscribe your name in the history of some country, whose name you can barely pronounce.

Reason number one to love this movie: Clint Eastwood with stubble. He is so virile in that movie, that he makes me doubt about my own masculinity. Besides what could be better for any man than spend a Saturday afternoon watching a bunch of guys shooting on tv? (news from Irak doesn’t count)  

But the best of all is the music. In fact the music is so good, that if I were president of any country I would proclaim the music of the good, the bad, and the ugly as the national anthem. Can you imagine an international match of any sport and you have to play against a team that plays that music before any game?

Very crazy but apparently this is true. You can build an atomic bomb, just google it and search for the plans on internet. Of course there is always the problem of where am I going to find 25 lb of plutonium 239? But hey, don’t worry, you just have to look at the yellow pages and find a reliable international supplier, some dog war from a former Soviet Republic or maybe a North Korean general. Just let me know how you do it  in this new and exciting hobby.

This article was a contribution of our invited blogger, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Don’t drink and park – accidents cause people.

I have a theory; write a blog is actually very simple, after all this is not rocket science;  so I am going to prove it writing the best blog you have ever read it… or at least one that makes you smile.